Welcome to a new edition of Horror Gaming and today I found a somewhat interesting tale of Zelda II. The story hails from 2013, a time when Creepypastas started gaining popular attention as another form of media. It's odd finding a Zelda NES CP as usually Majora's Mask, or A Link to the Past is used often. I did a review on the infamous Zelda game five years ago and despite mixed opinions the sequel helped move the series forward. If you think about it, Zelda II has many dark elements to the backstory. Valiant Comics' take on the pre-ALTTP lore in the comics went deeper into that as well. That is why a remake of the second title is needed to freshen up its gameplay to a more traditional overhead view. However, the presentation seeing an update with furthering these dark elements would work wonders. Now, the story is about a guy named Greg who wants to experience Zelda II again and goes to buy a used copy on eBay. However, strange things start happening upon playing on a previous saved file. Is this the childhood memories he will relive or something terrible awaits from the strange save file? The story begins with Greg who wanted to experience his childhood again with Zelda II. He goes on eBay to look for a used version and happens to find an un-bid copy for 99 cents. Greg buys the game seeing as the sale was a steal because of the low price and waits a week until it arrives in the mail. Just like that we arrive at our first strike right out of the gate as too many times I came across character X wanting to relive their childhood. It's one thing if this was a single story or two that started the plot—by 2013, this was absolutely such a repetitive and uncreative way to begin an arc. That only leads to the second strike and guess what the torn label trope returns. After the package arrived at his house, he noticed the label wasn’t the usual one but instead was written on a paper sticker reading Z3LD@TW0[2]. I mean looking at that title…I need a minute because such a ridiculous spelling is making my head hurt… Completely ignoring the weird written scribble—how this guy does it we will never know—he puts the cartridge in. These crappy elements do bring me back to those early gaming creepypastas that used tropes so often it wasn’t funny. Back in the early 2010's, there were mounds of crappypastas which mostly came from gaming. I can't understand what these writers were trying to do because describing a label like that doesn't make it eerie at all. I also love how he blatantly ignores something as obvious as the game's title written crudely in sharpie. In a traditional manner let’s call this guy Moron #137 because the tropes Greg spits out are scarier than the actual theme. As Moron gets to the file menu, he notices the previous user left a used saved game, so the guy continues. The next scene is a prelude to the climax as his NES suddenly turns into a magic piece of hardware that could play MP3 quality sounds. The guy played around and discovered he could pass through barriers like mountains. Upon messing around, Moron soon discovered a town was ablaze in fire with 8 bit animation. The place would in turn appear normal until he ventured further and was suddenly pulled in by a female NPC in one of the big houses. Greg explained he heard painful screams as Link was levitated out. I understand a supernatural force is at work but how the hell is the NES machine able to produce actual screams? That is some parody writing straight out of a CP like A Haunted Most Mario. What’s next? Moron's NES will suddenly get blast processing magically? We come to our third strike and like clockwork, blood and gore is overly used again nearly on Ultra Realistic levels. When Link is thrown outside still levitated, he now had red blood eyes on the sprite. The sky then turns black and the houses all catch fire as the townspeople surround Link. They then explode into guts and blood as their remains are thrown all over the area with Link saying Hyrule is doomed. You can keep telling me it’s a campfire story all you want, but gore used explicitly doesn’t make these CPs terrifying. There was nothing in this scene that literally rustled my skirt—in fact the scene ended the same way MaRIo II did with Mario’s head coming off to replace it with Birdo’s. If anyone guessed the story gets dumber than your assumptions were correct as the CP receives its fourth strike. Now, the game tells Greg to run as the same evil Link attacks him in real life. I know the story came out a few years after Ben Drowned but the whole scene sounded ridiculous. Ben didn’t suddenly appear before that player to start attacking the protagonist but rather haunt the main character. The blood use also didn’t stop either as the evil Link was bleeding from the eyes and said to Moron he was going to die. The story continues getting ridiculous after the man researches where the cartridge was made once he got released from the hospital. Moron learned the cartridge was made in an abandoned warehouse on top of a Native American Burial ground called Green Tree Cemetery. He learned further that years ago a rival tribe kidnapped a member of their enemies and killed him on the grounds. Why would Nintendo or any company want to make this cartridge in that type of place to begin with? Another thing is how did this spirit suddenly get trapped in the cartridge? Oh yeah that's right in creepypastas logic isn't allowed and only stupidity is what makes sense. The writing never explained as to why a spirit was trapped in a cartridge and not a living vessel that can get possessed. The author is getting the mythology wrong about burial grounds and that’s not how it works. It is true Ben Drowned (Majora’s Mask CP) also had a systelian specter called Ben lurking inside the cartridge. These types of themes are hard to execute as a plot device since you either explain the backstory or give vagueness as Ben Drowned did. However, the Systelian Specter and Ben Drowned CPs got these ideas right without resorting to a cliché like a Native American burial ground. Of course, the story has to end on its fifth strike as Moron pulls another dumb move. He sells the cartridge off through eBay under Zelda II NES and rids himself of the game. Well kiddies I take that back from calling the protagonist from MaRIo II a big moron as Greg is an even greater one. At least Moron Jr from MaRIo II had the sense to destroy the cartridge after going through so much trouble and not act like a jerk. Yet Moron in the plot decided not to use any sense and just pass the horror on to someone else. That’s the equivalent of flipping out on someone for stirring a cup of coffee at eight in the morning and they were up walking around. Seriously, where is the sense in that? Exactly there isn’t just like it’s the same BS from Moron passing the horror instead of destroying the game. Zelda II: The Lost Level is the worst Zelda CP I have ever read since those MaRIo ones. The CP starts out with the usual character buys the game on eBay to relive his childhood. However, once the narrator describes how the label was written on the cartridge, I couldn’t help but facepalm as it comes off very dumb. There are cartridges where their label does rip off overtime making the seller put a sticker paper written on with a sharpie. However, I have never heard of anyone scribbling a title stupidly like "Z3LD@TW0[2]" before. That makes the MaRIo CP titles sound decent compared to this attempt at scare tactics. The story starts out in the traditional crappy way but once he gets to the town, that’s where everything becomes the cliché central. As you noticed, I often mention Ben Drowned throughout the review and that’s because it’s the best example of writing a Zelda CP. Back in 2010 it was the shining gem in the heap of crappypastas on how to write horror with no clichés and stupid moments. Irfan (the author) should have used that CP as a golden example to produce this tale. Rating: 4.5/10 Terrible Source: Quotev.com. (February 14, 2013). Creepypasta III: Zelda II - The Lost Level. Irfan. https://www.quotev.com/story/2672522/Creepypasta-III-Zelda-II-The-Lost-Level
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Retro Gamer has over 25 years of gaming experience and played many classics since the Golden Age. She has been an avid fan since the day the NES graced her life and changed it forever.
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